Grateful For Love?
Recently I read an interesting article about a study that found “couples that are grateful tend to be happier and share a deeper longer lasting love”. This information came from Cameron Gordon an assistant psychology professor at the University of North Carolina. The study being published in a issue of the journal Personality and Individual Differences, included 50 couples who were together an average of 20. 7 years, with participants ranging in age from 21 to 67. Cameron Gordon and his co- authors asked them to fill out a daily questionnaire for two weeks and then examined the connection between their feelings of gratitude, their expressions of thanks to their partner and their overall satisfaction with their relationship.
The statement made me ask, which comes first, are we more grateful and happier because we have a deeper relationship, or if we were more grateful for our partner would that help us to build and maintain a deeper, happier, more loving relationship? Which comes first the chicken or the egg? I think it brings us back to that old thought process that “Happiness is a Choice”! Being grateful can also be a choice! So if we were more grateful for our partners wouldn’t that in turn make our partners feel more loved and appreciated and more inclined to return the love. Isn’t that what we all want to be loved and appreciated by our partners? So maybe it all starts with being grateful!
With the ease of the internet, reaching out online and “virtually” touching someone has become so immediate it has resulted in a throw away mentality and unrealistic expectations. This misconception has given people the idea that there is someone out there that they will never ever have to do any work to maintain a relationship and that is just not a reality. NO matter how good of a match someone is for you, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN IT. Sorry but it is true. Any relationship in your life that is worth while takes an effort on both sides. The positive outlook on this is “you do it because you want to, not because you have to”.
I always look at how realistic people are about a relationship before agreeing to take them on. If they tell me there is someone out there that they will never have an argument or disagreement with I tend to think they are being unrealistic. If you never have a disagreement with someone it is because there is no passion and if you have no passion for anything just think how boring that would be. My first marriage was exactly that, we never ever fought or had any difference of opinions because he never seemed to have any. I made every decision, even when I would beg for his opinion he would say “whatever I want was fine”. That may seem like a wonderful thing but it really isn’t. What I wanted was his opinion and participation, Obviously the marriage ended. But it makes me wonder if I had just been more grateful for him maybe things would have been different. Don’t get me wrong when I married him I thought I was or I wouldn’t have married him, but over the years I got bored with his lack of participation and lost respect for him. I have to ask, how could I have maintained being more grateful? He seemed to be grateful for me at the time but not enough to share his true feelings, he could not always have been in total agreement with me? I have learned over the years that no one values a doormat and that really loving someone means we need not be afraid to be honest and tell them if we don’t agree with everything they say or do. Even though we become a couple does not mean we need to loose our own individuality, that is who they fell in love with. In the long run it is the trials and tribulations that we overcome together that actually bonds us even closer allowing us to be happier and isn’t that something to be grateful for? Like I said before which comes first?