Opposites attract but different lifestyles clash.
We all know the saying that “opposites attract” but what about different lifestyles? God must have a pretty twisted sense of humour, (if you believe in god) because sometimes we can find ourselves attracted to someone that truly is not compatible. I realize that no two people will ever be exactly alike, imagine how boring that would be, but I am talking about huge lifestyle differences. I used to think that love was all you needed (what a lovely romantic thought), after having my butt kicked a few times, I have realized that it takes a lot more to make a relationship work successfully. Darn!
As a Professional Matchmaker I cover all these areas in my full consultations. I would never consider matching my clients (looking for a successful relationship) with these differences, so how come I sometimes I overlook this information in my own personal life? HMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Still lessons to learn!
When you are considering a potential partner you need to make sure that you are both on the same page, timing is also important. Just because you are ready for that one true love of your life does not mean that everyone you come in contact is exactly at that point. Again Darn!!! But I want what I want, when I want it! 🙂
So what are some of the areas that we SHOULD have a similar mind-frame (in no particular order): (I am not saying either one is right or wrong, just not compatible).
Activity level: if you are extremely physically active and your new potential is not, probably not a match. You will always be waiting for them to catch up and they will always wish that you would slow down.
Activity Choices: if you love dancing, hiking and biking and your potential only wants to watch hockey, fish and read the newspaper, what will you do together? (Besides that):)
Holidays and travelling : If you dream about exploring the world with your partner and they want to stay within the same 50 miles their entire life, look at what you will miss out on.
Romantic ideas: If your idea of a romantic weekend consists of just the two of you, a nice hotel with a beautiful view and pampering yourselves while you explore each other and their idea is camping out on the ground with no running water, no bathroom and living off the land, I see a bumpy road ahead.
Religious beliefs: If one of you is Catholic and the other is Muslim, God help you both! (Sorry bad pun) 🙂
Children and family plans: One of you wants to have children and the other one is done or does not want any at all. (I know this sounds ridiculous, you would think this would be an area everyone discussed before getting into any long term relationship, but you would be surprised how many people have broken up over this.)
Neighbourhood choices: If you love the big city and your partner is deeply entrenched in suburbia, which one of you is going to budge? Can you afford two homes?
Cleanliness differences: If you cannot function in a home that is unkempt and dirty and your potential partner is a hoarder and can’t understand the concept of cleaning up after themselves, chances are someone is going to be unraveling very quickly (unless of course you live in different houses and never visit each others homes, yeah right!!!!!).
Introvert vs Extrovert: As I explained in another post these can co-exist but it takes alot of work.
Communication and conflict resolution: obviously if can’t communicate you will never be able to resolve any of your conflicts.
I want to clarify that sometimes people with these differences can co-exist, but it does take a lot of work on both sides. The only way that opposites can co-exist is when both of you are committed to making the relationship work, through hell and high water. Both parties need to understand and respect each others differences and comfort zones. It cannot be one person compromising their comfort zones all the time, just to keep the peace. The end result is that you will end up resenting your partner and yourself. It is easier for couples to adapt if there are only one or two differences, but more than that and it can become extremely difficult no matter how strong the chemistry may be, eventually it will wear thin and your frustration and dissatisfaction will come out. Usually when you least expect it.
So, in order to save ourselves some heartache, why not look at these differences before we get emotionally involved? I absolutely look at these questions before suggesting a match for my clients. I just have to remember to ask the same questions when I am considering someone for myself. 🙂
Have an absolutely fabulous weekend, be safe and remember to Socialize in the city, suburbia, outdoors,etc. etc. You get the drift. 🙂