Over 40 Male Online Daters, Who are you kidding?
One more time I feel compelled to get on my “I hate online dating soapbox”. In the past year I uploaded a profile on an online dating site after being told by one of their Executives I could go on and look for possible matches for some of my clients. I also can’t date my clients (conflict of interest) so I thought I might have a look for myself as an experiment as well. Let’s just say Curiosity almost killed this cat!
To be honest I was mostly looking for matches for women so focused on the men’s profiles. Every time I thought I had someone of possible interest it was quickly dashed.
After strolling through pages and pages of mindless and sometimes terrifying profiles here are the top 10 obstacles I found with online dating :
1. Their photo did not represent them at all, most of them were taken 10 – 15 years ago. I almost fell over when one man approached me that I was supposed to meet and told me who he was. In his online photo he was clean shaven , well dressed and well groomed. When he showed up he was scruffy, full bearded (not in the hipster way) and looked like he rolled right out of bed or was coming off a bender. I quickly nixed the planned walk and went for coffee instead (trying not to be rude). I had to go back and check out his online photo when I got home, I had to conclude it could not be the same man!
2. Their online photo freaked me out or at the very least did not attract me in any way. Note to MEN: no woman wants to see you holding a fish, a gun or another woman, especially a much younger one. (They don’t care if it’s your daughter, it plants the pedophile idea in their mind). Pick a current photo that shows you happy and smiling and close enough we can actually see what you look like, right now. This will result in much happier first dates for you and her.
3. Most men over 40 lie about their age, by 10 – 15 years (in order to date younger women). Every single one of them said they don’t look their real age. I hate to break it to you “Yes you do”! If you lie about your age it will only piss her off as soon as she sees you actually look like her father. Not the best way to start a date. Honesty really is best!
4. Most men under 6′ lie about their height by at least 3-5 “. Seriously we know how tall we are, we can do the math. If you are the same height as we are or shorter, you are not the height you quoted. I actually asked one man why he was so blatantly lying and he quickly and rather angrily told me I didn’t know how tall I was. 🙂 Not one man I met (under 6′) was even close to the height he said he was. In all truthfulness those over 6′ were honest, but why would they lie? Men, as soon as women know you are lying on the first date about anything, you are out!
5. How cheap are you? If you agree to go for dinner or lunch and the bill is under $30.00 for both your meals, why would you ask her to split it? It’s one thing if she offers but to ask her? Date within your budget. You do not have to spend a lot of money on a date but chances are she probably spent way more than the cost of the date getting herself ready for your date. Seriously, have some class. You are establishing who you are you! A gentleman or a miser, guess who gets a second date? Another one had me drive all across the city to meet him when his own neighbourhood was much closer and didn’t even offer me a cup of tea on a second date. PS. I paid for the coffee on the first one! Oh yes, apparently he didn’t consider them dates. I really didn’t care to find out the difference.
6. Online dating creates a throw away mentality, it creates the illusion of millions of possibilities. The truth is it is millions of mismatches and minimal actual possibilities and good luck scrolling though them all considering most of them are “embellishing” to begin with. The kid in the candy store idea, so they always think there is someone better out there. So they pick no one! How many times have you seen the same people on multiple online sites for years? Think about it.
7. 90% of the men over 40 are not actually looking for anything serious even if they say they are. Thank god for the ones that are actually honest but even that got frustrating scrolling through thousands and thousands of those wannabe Casanovas stating they “wanted to date but nothing serious”. It has become a place to hook up, not find relationships. I guess if that’s what you are looking for, To each his own!
8. From the men who couldn’t look me in the eyes to the full blown ego’s, every single man I met was way out of his league on his expectations. It’s time for a reality check Men. I’m not trying to be mean but I’m sure you probably think I’m talking about everyone else but Like attracts Like. Attractive, young looking, fit and active, intelligent women want to date someone like themselves. Why is it almost all men think they are better looking than they actually are and most women are better looking than they think they are?
9. If you are going to have a profile online, write something that might capture a woman’s interest. Talk about something a woman might be interested in reading or learning about you. Special note: Learn how to write a sentence and spell, there is a new thing called spellcheck! Try it!
10. I have never met so many lying, self absorbed, boring, cheap, ageist men in my life than online and I barely touched the surface. Thank god I deal with a whole different group of men as clients, but then I prescreen them all. If I had to online date on a regular basis I would jump off a bridge, “ain’t no one got time for that crap”. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life if that was my only choice.
After this online experiment I do understand how women come to me frustrated saying “there are no good men out there now”. Let me be completely honest and say that statement is not true! I meet tons of great men in my business all the time. For obvious reasons they get matched very quickly. If you are one of the good ones, Please send me your profile I am always looking for good men. http://www.match-works.com/step-1/database/
PS. Ladies If you have a similar story about the perils of online dating share your stories in the comments. Men I also realize this is a generalization based on my experiences only, I am sure the other side of the coin is just as bad.