Why do vancouver’s singles seem to have a throwaway mentality?

Have you noticed that  there are more and more  single people in Vancouver? A lot of them claim to  be on a never ending search for that special person, but are they really their own worst enemies? Somewhere along the line some  might have  told them  to make a list of what they wanted in a partner,  I agree with the concept of trying to manifest who you want in your life, but have we gone too far? Has their list become  so long and unattainable  that no one could possibly meet their expectations? Or is it that  singles are now under the elusion there is an endless supply of  accessible people  because of social media and online dating sites. Online  daters seem to end up dating the whole online world, even if they didn’t start out with that intention.  There is always another profile, another picture, the kid in the candy store mentality.   You know what I mean!  But somehow they never seem to find that elusive person that they are convinced is waiting,  just for them. Unfortunately the longer they stay online, the more people they date the less possibility there is they will find a possible match and build a great relationship. The truth is they have probably met many people  they could have built a wonderful  loving relationship with if they spent a little more time and patience with them. This fantasy person  they have imagined blinds them from reality and no one can measure up, even themselves. 🙂

Let’s be honest, there are a ton of people (men and women) online and off  that have no intention of going into a relationship and unfortunately they are not always honest and forthright with this information. These people may have deep rooted commitment issues and it will take a lot more than one post to discuss this (multiple reasons). Thanks to the ease of access online and  an illusion of a  plethora of choice we now have  even more serial daters that have become addicted to online dating or social media.  They are online multiple times in a day, scouring the  dating sites looking for another photo, another profile, another victim. Serial online daters believe  that they can have any woman/man they want at the click of a mouse. In their mind they can but reality soon steps in when the new person doesn’t  exactly match their profile or they don’t match theirs. False advertising is rampant online  and will bite you in the butt every time.   In case you haven’t noticed men and women use old photos, lie about their age, activity level and availability (just to mention a few). How do you recognize them? To start with, you will see them for long time periods on multiple dating sites.  They may leave (hide their profile) momentarily going off to  try to date one woman or man but chances are given a few months and they will be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I am sure you realize that online dating and social media make money advertising on their site, so the longer that you are online the better for them. They are not designed to work  for you! They are cash cows! Besides there is always a new profile a new photo a new distraction. 🙂  It’s no wonder it is the latest addiction, why would you just pick one? It so hard to decide, why do you think the bachelor or the bachelorette can’t pick the right one, too many distractions, but if they met just one of those people and got to know them without all the distractions, I bet the results would be better.  Even if they start dating someone they often leave their profile open, (just in case they miss someone) and even if the site you met them on doesn’t show them doesn’t mean they are off. They may have hidden it  (yes you can do that) or be on another site that you are unaware of.  Old contacts  (like old girlfriends) can still contact them even if they are visibly offline and they can contact people without you seeing it.  Chances are if you are constantly being told that they are busy and are out a lot of nights and weekends, they are probably still dating others.   If someone is interested in you they make time for you, they make you a priority! If they only call at the last minute, are  hard to reach and don’t  answer their phones during non work hours they are probably still seeing others.  Remember the book and film, “He’s just not that into YOU”!  It’s why I insist that all my clients stay offline and only date one person at a time, no multiple dating, period. I believe it is one of the reasons that I have such good success with my matches.

If they are 40 -50 and never been married or had a long term relationship (past 10 years) they probably have  commitment  or relationship issues. As much as you may think you will be different you probably won’t be the one to resolve that and you will soon be the one  needing a therapist. 🙂 If they tell you that they are there “till its not fun anymore”, move on! No relationship will always be fun and without conflict, men, women  and people in general  have difficulty communicating at the best of times. Look at your closest relationships with your family members and friends, the more crap that you have been through and overcome the closer you are.  I took a workshop that said exactly that, “Welcome the conflict into your relationships, because it gives you the opportunity to overcome it and  that in turn deepens your bond emotionally. What happens at work if you don’t put out any effort, YOU GET FIRED! Right! Any relationship in your life requires an effort to make it last whether it is with a friend, family member, co-worker, or your potential partner.  If your partner is not willing to do the work they don’t really value the relationship! There are some things that we cannot overcome of course, (abuse, addictions, conflicting life goals) but a lot of people walkaway the first time their  potential partner has a difference of opinion  or wears the wrong shoes. Nobody seems to want to put any effort into making a relationship work. Honestly it is much harder to keep starting over with yet another partner than focusing on the positives and trying to work through the rough spots. Keep in mind that  you should do it because you want to, not because you have to! Don’t you appreciate it when other people focus on your positives rather than your negatives! I think we all would, we all deserve a break. God knows I  know I am not perfect, nobody is, or are you one of those people that believes that you are? 🙂  HMMMMMMMM, that’s a whole other subject and a whole other post. 🙂

 

PS. If you are serious about finding one specific person that you could build a lasting loving relationship with and you are not sure where to start, at the very least make sure you are part of my data listings with a (bronze membership). http://www.match-works.com/step-1/database/  That way if  and when I have someone that is looking for someone just like you I can call you in for a (silver membership)  prescreening,  further consultation, walkabout and background check. Who knows, I may  have just who you are looking for onboard already. http://www.match-works.com/step-1/ If you would like me to search for you actively (gold membership) you can call me directly  778-927-1204 or e-mail me at matchmaker@match-works.com

  1. SimonSimon08-24-2010

    Hi Sheree,
    When I saw the title on your blog, I thought it was going to be about something else entirely — About how people sometimes just fall off the planet and disappear even if you had a great connection with them.
    I ended up somehow attracting women who at that time of their life were in some sort of crisis or other and really just needed a shoulder to cry on. Afterwards, when the crisis was over and they didn’t need “counselling” anymore, POOF.
    I’m not sorry I was there for them as their friend, but every one of those “relationships” were ultimately a waste of time.

  2. healyhealy09-15-2010

    hi Simon, yeah you re totally right. Girls are like that, me too do that lol well if you want a relationship just make sure that you are ready to face everything. The hurt, the cries and many sleepless night keep thinking about what happen. Being single is not a course. It’s a sense of freedom for us to take time and love our self.

  3. MikeMike12-18-2010

    I agree with much of what was said in the blog. Society has changed. We tend to work more, and are less exposed to interacting with each other through work, and other organizations (such as sports, church, clubs, etc.) where we could see those subtle things that draw us into people. If you weren’t attracted, you wouldn’t likely send out the “interest” that would make someone vulnerable to having hurt feelings of rejection. I don’t have the social resources outside of my job. So, online dating seems to be the answer.
    Now it comes down to self promotion, a picture and maybe a date or two. Pictures are seldom recent, interests are often exaggerated. So, you have to go on at least one exploratory date to see if image they project jives with reality. Although it does sound very superficial – if someone conceals that they are very obese by only showing a face shot and mentions that they’re really into fitness, it is misleading. I get stuck because she is nice and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. So I get torn between not being attracted, feeling guilty for having superficial attraction as an important factor, and liking them as a person. Then I turn myself inside out trying to reconcile this and at the end of the second date I feel like I’m breaking up from some long term relationship.
    It’s almost like it is implicit that there is a 25% reduction in expectation over what the person projects in their profile. That really works against someone who lays it out there with 100% honesty. People get jaded and no longer believe the advertising. I don’t have solutions. Playing the odds and repeatedly finding the same thing is exhausting. My list is actually pretty small, but I think that maybe it is too rigid. You want to find someone to share the enjoyment that you find in things. The balance of compromise is difficult.

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