Are you still carrying your baggage? revised

Hearts-in-the-sand-love-datingWhen I first launched this site I wrote this blog but it is something that bears repeating. If you  have trouble moving forward in your life, please read this.

Before you are ready to look for that new love, please, please  remember that we need to make sure that we have taken care of our emotional  baggage and that we have taken down all those protective walls. I know you are panicking and saying but I will be too vulnerable. Sorry, but if we really want to have a successful relationship we have to be completely open and receptive. Unfortunately anyone over the age of 30 has  had their heart broken at one time or another and has had some type of baggage. The problem with unresolved baggage is that it holds us back from looking at another relationship openly and honestly. No one wants to or deserves to be painted with the same brush as our last partner or partners. We need to remember that it was that person or those specific partners that hurt and disappointed us, not all members of the opposite sex.  I have personally met so many people with enough baggage to sink a luxury liner. 🙂 Some of us attract it more than others and I have looked at why I do and that is a whole other post.  🙂  But speaking from past experience, it is so sad and painful to be on the receiving side of these assumptions, doubts and walls.  It is completely unfair to the new party to constantly be accused, questioned or judged  for someone else’s mistakes. Unfortunately, no matter how wonderful the rest of us may be, undealt with baggage will almost always kill a relationship?  Think about what you are drawn to in a new potential partner, is it their positive energy and their openness? How exciting and enticing, but you both have to be there. So if you asking why is there always a glitch, maybe look a little deeper.

I realize that some people bounce around like billiard balls on the relationship table, trying every pocket that is handy, hoping that one of them will be a perfect fit.  The truth is that if someone has hurt us deeply and our trust has been damaged, unless we deal with these issues they will come back to haunt us in every new relationship, no matter how perfect that person may be for us. So sorry, if you are trying to mend that broken heart with a new love it is probably not going to work, at least not for the long term.  The sad reality is that every one of us has to be responsible for our own happiness! Before we can look at a new person honestly and openly,  we have to be comfortable with our past and dare I say it, forgive them and ourself. Yes, every one of us has to look at what was our part, even if  we don’t think we had anything to do with it. There are always two participants in a failed relationship. Why did we let someone treat us like that?  Why did we behave that way?  We need to be emotionally healed, happy  and comfortable with ourself and not feel the need for someone to fill that hole. When we feel complete all by ourself and we choose to want to share our happiness with someone else, then we are at the right place.  Then and only then do we have a chance at a  happy lasting relationship. Relationships are a lot of work at the best of times, so you can imagine if we have  any jealousy, abandonment  or trust issues. Don’t you want the next relationship in your life to be  the one that lasts, the one that works for both of you?  I do believe that no one intentionally goes into a relationship planning on hurting their partner, but if we have not dealt with our issues it is inevitable.

We have all seen the plagues that say LOVE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE. The only way that we can do that is if we have made peace with ourself and the people that  have hurt us. Sometimes the pain can date back to our childhood, from our parents or friends. No one wants to look at our part of a failed relationship, but it is necessary, if we eventually want a healthy happy relationship.

I know I have stated this many times before but please, please make sure that you are healthy and happy emotionally and that your potential partner is also there before you jump into any relationship. I am a hopeless romantic and I love being in Love but I do not  and I am sure that you don’t love going through a  unresolved baggage meat-grinder. (sorry but it is the best way to describe the feeling)  I wish I had an magic wand and I could heal everyone emotionally so that we would all start completely fresh and scar free, but that is not reality, our own happiness is really up to us.  We need to make sure all our bags are packed and on a bus heading out of town, before moving forward. Happy packing. 🙂

PS. To anyone that I have ever hurt, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!  It was never my intention! To anyone that has ever hurt me I FORGIVE YOU and I wish you the very best!


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