Online Dating, Addiction and other Hazards!

How many of you have tried online dating? How many of you have found your soul mate or partner online? Why not, there seems to be a plethora of possible matches online.   Logically speaking we should all be able to go online with our little wish list and scroll through the pages and pages of possible matches, until we find that certain someone.  That’s what all the advertisements say. 🙂  Unfortunately  the reality is quite the opposite.  There are more people online that are frustrated angry and down right exhausted from all the  scrolling through all the photos and profiles.   The false advertising by the members, the bad coffee dates, the energy it takes to get your hopes up every time to have it dashed when you find out they look nothing like their photo.  It’s hard not to  get angry or disappointed when  almost everyone lies about their age, their height, misrepresent their size, their activity level and their photo  was taken 10 years ago. I have actually had people say “oh when they meet me, they’ll like me so much it won’t matter”.  Are you kidding me? False advertising (lying) will always blow up in your face. Isn’t it humiliating when the person is not interested because they were expecting someone else? If you honestly are confident that they would like you just as you are, then why would you misrepresent yourself in the first place? If you are going to go online for god’s sake, tell the truth, be honest, show them who you really are.  At least then, when someone contacts you, you will have a chance. After you read the rest of this you may not want to and if you do, you might approach it differently.

I was not always a matchmaker and  I obviously cannot date my clients, so yes I have tried online dating myself.  I also tried it before launching my own business, part of my due diligence. Out of all my friends, I know one that actually met his girlfriend there. The difference  is he went online, met someone almost immediately and then got off and went forward working through the relationship. He did not feel the need to date the whole online world, so it worked for him.  With the vast number of people who are online, once in a while one will stick,  but only if they are ready for it  emotionally, ready to commit and they get offline quick.   I  also know many singles who have become serial online daters.  They have become frustrated, disillusioned and down right exhausted, and many have  literally become addicted and just can’t seem to get offline with anyone no matter how many people they met.

I hated it,  for many reasons. The time and energy  it took to get started  and I did not like my photo out front.  The  overwhelming amount of hits I got and some of the people who contacted me, scared the crap out of me.  The first time I tried it, I pulled it all off in a few days. The next time, a few years later, I thought I would be smarter I would just put  a profile out  front and only contact the ones I was interested in and offer them my backstage photo. This eliminated a lot of people as I wasn’t willing to have a photo out front. But it was the only way I felt safe, yeah right, much safer.  🙂 What I found online was disappointing, although I did end up dating 2  different men  at  2 different times.  I was online for a month each time, about a year apart.  Before long I realized why both of them were single, both different reasons and those would be two other long boring posts. 🙂  The similarity was the “throw away mentally” that  they had both gotten from being online. Their perception was there are thousands of fish in the sea (online) so rather than work on their issues,  it was easier to throw away the relationship.  The reality is that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but you still have the same issues, as well as new ones with that new person. Instead their wish list grew and grew and they were literally back online within a week. Who on earth is truly ready for a new relationship within a week? You haven’t even figured out what happened with the last one and so the baggage grows. If you never look at your part of the relationship and own up to your issues, you will never be able to get past them.

What about addiction, yes addiction to online dating.  Many people may start out saying that they are looking for that one relationship, one person, but they can quickly become addicted to the proverbial “the grass is always greener on the other side“. “But I didn’t try that one“, “oh what about that one“, “hey she’s new“, “I don’t know, I just started looking“, when is enough, enough?  Even if they start dating someone who  years ago they would have tried to work through a relationship, they toss it away when their partner shows up wearing the wrong socks.  🙂 Sounds ridiculous, but I know you know what I am saying.  We have the illusion of thousands and thousands of possible matches when we actually have thousands and thousands of mismatches.  At least they will continue to be that way until we  take a good hard look at ourselves and decide that we want to get off the roller coaster. That means making up your mind, honestly  look at what  you bring to the table, what you need  to be happy and what steps are  you prepared to take to get there. Life is about choice and yes if we have too much choice or the perception of it, it can be a terribly confusing and addictive thing. I know people who can’t stop going online (to see what they think they are missing)  even if  they are in a great relationship.  That’s an addiction. Guess what eventually happens to that relationship?

I almost forgot about the bait“. I know you are going what……????????? I only recently discovered that a lot of online company’s hire “bait”. These are people who are hired to  post beautiful photos( men and women ) are paid to sit online and send smiles to potential matches. You respond using your credits to talk to them through e-mails and then they convince you to talk to them on a safe line. (1-800-….). You never actually meet any of these “beautiful people”, but you do end up spending a lot of money online.  Sound familiar.  What about  the ones who want you to bring them into the country………. or the ones that are married, (surprise, surprise) you get my drift. You have no idea who you are talking to……….really.  You might be very surprised who’s on the other end. Be Careful. 

So lets see you have “addiction“,  “piled up baggage“, “the throw away mentality“,  the  “huge amount time and frustration“, “false advertising” by the other matches (not you of course)  🙂  not to mention the cost of some of the dating sites, coffee dates, lunches etc.   Throw in the “bait“, “married people” and “gold-diggers” and “gigolos“. Yeah sign me up, I think I need to slam my hand in that drawer many times, before I figure out how that feels. No thanks. I got it the first time, okay maybe the third.  🙂

Actually this is exactly why I started Match-Works Matchmaking, because I realized that the options out there were not working. Especially for single executives and Professionals.   Right now I am actively looking for a few select single men for some fabulous women that I am already representing ( age range 28-60) . So men if you honestly think you a great catch and are serious about finding a long-term relationship with an intelligent,attractive, physically active, stable Woman, call me for a consultation. You may be a perfect match for a wonderful woman who you definitely will not find online. Every one of them has told me that they have no interest of having their faces or profiles online for all the world to see. They want private, professional,personal service  with one of the most important searches of their life. Interested, give me a call 778-927-1204 or upload your private profile on my home page.  I will be touch if you are a possible match.